stargazing :D

this girl has a hold on me. i visited her on sunday night and we started talking on her driveway. i leaned back and accidentally overlapped her hand with mine. we talked more and so we started holding hands while we gazed up @ the sky. i decided to get closer because it was cold and she was shivering. we basically cuddled on her driveway till 11' .. it was so coold that night. gaaaah,

i think i like her.

missss you dad.

stuck,
i am stuck,
am i stuck? stuck i am.

iono, life is just soo ehhhh! my high school years have gone by and ive seen myself change in so many ways. ive grown up and past the immature obstacles.. and hardships.

i remember when i answered a question that asked "have you ever experienced a death in the family?" with "no"..
i remember when i went to the 08 confirmation retreat.. that didnt really phase me. the climax was when we sat in a room with someone presenting worse case scenarios about the people that we love the most. we imagined as if they died right before our eyes, without telling our true feelings. without telling them that we love them all.
i remember riding in my dads truck with my dad trying to start "small talk" with me. we never really talked about much due to our extremely passive personalities. just getting back from the confirmation retreat, i thought about telling my dad that i love him. i hesitated and backed myself away from the thought.
i remember when my dad would try to teach me how to solve problems in math and i'd be half asleep.. frustrated because i wouldn't be able to understand the complete steps of the simple math.
later my sophomore year, my dad passes away. i sat at his bed side, trying to find the right words: i love you. i struggled soo much just saying it to him.. sadly he wasnt even in a stable condition to receive it. &now, math doesnt even make sense to me anymore. sometimes i wish my dad was there just to see me work and help me on the problems that i wouldnt understand. i really do miss my dad.. and im still in denial that hes really gone.

hi ashley. :]

"well i think its important that you know that I love you as a best friend and you really do mean a lot to me..."

wowow, no one has ever told me that before<3

-holiday follies.
-flirting is fun.
-crushing sucks.
-frank and sam<3
-jj<3 came late to my show.
-best friend is emotional every day.
- kissing? uhh, haha.
-holding eachother backstage is the business<3
- holidays!

disneyland!

mm disneyland was fun.

-umm tried rapping with moses in the morning while waiting for the tram. ehh haha! hes not that great.
-went on pirates of the carribean with bryan, michiyo, ashley, zach, cassie, and rachel. michiyo was scared of the pirates :D haha, so cute.
-me and bestie argued whos dominant while holding hands! LOL.
-we tried embarassing eachother at disneyland but she ended up winning because she walks like she has a penis between her legs.
-me, ashley, michiyo, and bryan hung out together.. only for like 10 minutes. thats the group we intended to have but zach kept coming back to our group.
-we tried ditching him after the show, so i hung out with tj.
-me, tj, erika, and kiara started hanging out. /
-i was supposed to meet up with bryan michiyo and ashley later.
-i rode haunted mansion with erika.. we argued most of the ride. LOL, shes so funny.
-i left to go back with ashley michiyo and bryan.. and turns out ashley was mad at me because she thought i ditched her :[
-we argued then i made it up to her by getting her a free disneyland birthday pin.
-holding hands is funny.
-we ended up taking a lot of pictures.. to end the day. i wish the mochis = ashley, michiyo, bryan, and i couldve hung out all day.. but i guess not :[
- it was an okay day.. not the way i wanted it to happen.
-i ended up walking home czarina home.. because she had no ride. she looked sooooo sad :[ i hate seeing people sad.
-well yeah, it was kinda perfect the way it happened. walking home a girl on a december 1st? :D during winter! with houses decorated with christmas lights all around.
- ate out with gary, zach, bryan, and tam at dennys. fck i was so full.
- ehh.. missing school today. too tired!
- i have practice later.