missss you dad.

stuck,
i am stuck,
am i stuck? stuck i am.

iono, life is just soo ehhhh! my high school years have gone by and ive seen myself change in so many ways. ive grown up and past the immature obstacles.. and hardships.

i remember when i answered a question that asked "have you ever experienced a death in the family?" with "no"..
i remember when i went to the 08 confirmation retreat.. that didnt really phase me. the climax was when we sat in a room with someone presenting worse case scenarios about the people that we love the most. we imagined as if they died right before our eyes, without telling our true feelings. without telling them that we love them all.
i remember riding in my dads truck with my dad trying to start "small talk" with me. we never really talked about much due to our extremely passive personalities. just getting back from the confirmation retreat, i thought about telling my dad that i love him. i hesitated and backed myself away from the thought.
i remember when my dad would try to teach me how to solve problems in math and i'd be half asleep.. frustrated because i wouldn't be able to understand the complete steps of the simple math.
later my sophomore year, my dad passes away. i sat at his bed side, trying to find the right words: i love you. i struggled soo much just saying it to him.. sadly he wasnt even in a stable condition to receive it. &now, math doesnt even make sense to me anymore. sometimes i wish my dad was there just to see me work and help me on the problems that i wouldnt understand. i really do miss my dad.. and im still in denial that hes really gone.